Jai Jian! (see you again = goodbye)

Samuel’s first baby teeth finally fell out, two in one day. So, we got to see what the Chinese tooth fairy would do. She’s pretty generous giving, 10 yuan = $1.50. Samuel did a little jig in the morning when he saw that, sort of like the NFL touchdown receivers do.

Today is our last day in Beijing. It’s hard for all of us to fathom… The boys are sad to leave, which I am heartened to see as I had a bit of trepidation of whether I was doing the right thing. These last couple of months, their Mandarin language ability has really expanded. They speak to each other in Mandarin when they play at home. And Samuel was sleep-talking in Mandarin too!

I am ready to return to the US – I’m especially looking forward to its wonderful environmental and food safety regulations! But, there are many things we are nostalgic about and will miss. Below are some of the everyday details of life in Beijing that we take for granted but are different from the U.S.

Thank you for joining me in my reflections. I’ve never blogged before but it was really helpful in being a bit more mindful which allowed me to taste more of life.

To cross the massive roads, taking these footbridges was helpful. I love how they have a lanes for bikes.

Most large buildings try to conserve energy with these plastic door coverings which wack. In winter, they convert to thick blankets which get disgusting with all the grease from so many hands touching them.

Roland’s favorite thing is the “kuai di” delivery men.  In front of office buildings they just put everything

No description necessary. I will SOOO not miss these…

Inter-generational community parks with blue and yellow “exercise” equipment

propoganda

10 more days to go…

It is almost the end of our time in Beijing and the boys got school uniforms.  My brother says they are looking FOB-y… proud of my boys!

   

Happy Mother’s Day

One of the best things about living in China has got to be that you can get a bunch of peonies for $1.50 from a street vendor! I had been wondering where they were because peonies originate from China and I’ve seen them in landscaping but not in florist windows.

For Mother’s Day, Roland made a scrumptious dinner of southern fried chicken which we gobbled up. It’s scary how much we can eat. He’s really been on a roll here in China in learning how to cook.

Here are the boys inspired by the Chinese acrobat show they watched. Look at Samuel!

Young Pioneers

It’s official. The world is coming to an end – George Clooney is getting married!

Just when you thought there were a few things in life that you could count on, things change. That’s what happens all the time here in Beijing (nice segue…)  We will be walking along and suddenly notice that one of our usual restaurants has up and closed. No indication the day before – it’s just gone today. One time we invited a friend to dinner and when we arrived at the restaurant, we found half the site demolished and that it was its last week of operation. The government had decided to take the land.

Yesterday Joshua started telling us about how he had gotten selected in class, by popular vote, to be the 10^th out of 15 students (of the class’s 38 students) to be part of “the team.” Curious I kept asking how this was done, what it was for, etc. He mentioned that in 13 days they would receive their red scarves. It’s a ubiquitous sight – school kids everywhere in China wear these peppy looking scarves. I had been wondering why some kids at school had these and others didn’t. I googled and found out that this is the Young Pioneers of China organization, part of the Communist Party. They start the kids out at age 6 and eventually everyone becomes a member and can then decide whether to join the party when they are adults.

Oy vey! Later that night I decided to explain to him that while we are letting him do this as a cultural experience, our family doesn’t really believe in what the team stands for. “Like what?” “Well…” Apparently, in 2011 a school in Xi’an tried to also institute a neon green scarf for under-performing kids. While this drew a lot of criticism in the blogosphere, Joshua’s progressive school still does thing like take photos of the four kids who got the top score on a test and text it to all the parents. Joshua was bummed that his picture was not taken. So we took his picture at home. =). The parents also regularly get texts from the teacher, warning about the exact number of anonymous students who need to study harder.

Roland and the boys went to Shanghai last week and had a fabulous time. It was so ultra modern. They took the high-speed train and stayed a night in one of the tallest buildings in the world. Apparently Shanghainese look down on Beijing as being backward, almost like a developing country. I was glad to hear it because I did want my boys to experience a different world and the daily life things we need to do here in Beijing.

The boys are really speaking a lot more Chinese to each other now – mostly about the cartoon shows they watch and when they play with each other. Chinese language has become a family hobby, although I cannot participate as much. I’m especially happy for Samuel who had a long dormant period. His teachers say that now he can communicate to classmates and he is the class clown, making everyone laugh. He had a little trouble in trying to insert himself with the biggest boys in class since he is a year younger than everyone. So, the conscientious teachers have been separating the younger boys from the older boys.

Samuel has always been the younger one in group settings so I look forward to seeing what happens when he is one of the older boys in his kindergarten in California. A common parenting advice now in the US is to delay a boy’s entry in school a bit if you can because it will give him extra confidence to be one of the bigger, older alpha males. I read somewhere that a larger percentage of pro athletes and other successful people’s birthdays fall towards the end of the year. One’s birthdate shouldn’t have anything to do with one’s natural ability. Their hypothesis is that a later birthday does delay their entry to school and that these people would develop their self-identity as being the bigger, older kid and therefore be more confident and apt to develop their skills fully. I do think this self identity or sense of self efficacy can play a powerful force in how we play out our life. But, no need to despair if your birthday is early. I also believe it is possible to alter the mindset that we have been socialized into. As the Bible says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind.” And as Jesus said, if we “know the truth, the truth will set you free.”

The boys up high in their hotel room on the Pudong side of Shanghai.

 

Night and Day

This is the view out the window when I lay down with the boys to put them to bed. The photo doesn’t capture it too well, but with the lights off in the room, the scene seems a little magical to us. All the dirt and pollution is invisible, and it feels like Christmas. We will miss this view.

I realize that we probably won’t be living with such a view ever again. As our impending move to southern California looms closer, I realize the views out our windows will be very different from Beijing. We won’t be in a vast landscape of high-rise apartments. We’re getting a little nostalgic. One of the funny triggers is when we hear the music from the first kids’ cartoon show we watched when we first arrived. We just bought the DVDs to bring back home with us.

But, we are also excited to go to California. I really look forward to eating fruits and vegetables without wondering what toxins and metals I’m ingesting. One morning Samuel started tearing up saying that he is tired of living in China and wants to go back to the US. We see him playing with the other kids at school but I think he’s tired of being a foreigner and not being able to speak the language well, although he’s had a little explosion recently. The boys sometimes now speak to each other in Chinese which was one of the landmarks I was hoping for! As for me, I’m ashamed to say that I have learned very little Chinese. The main thing I say in Chinese is: “I’m sorry. I’m Korean.”

Meanwhile, Joshua keeps saying he loves his school even though he doesn’t talk to anyone. He’s really a little engineer. He started drawing a plan view and side view of weaponry ideas.  Hmmm…  Relatedly, he’s also socially clueless. I keep trying to practice with him things he can say in different social situations.  His teacher also was trying to encourage him to even speak English to the other kids because they all know English.  She had such a kind-hearted tenderness in looking at him and how inhibited he has been. Girls always seem to like Joshua and he’s totally oblivious. Just last week he came home with a book and a note in English from a girl saying he could borrow her book. I don’t think he said anything to her and he doesn’t know her name. sigh. Another time, I asked him to ask another girl who was chatting him up as we walked home from school what her name was and she ended up hitting him in reproach. whoops.

There are things that are commonplace here that I realized are quite unique from the US. It’s the little things. I think it’s neat how the pedestrian stairways over roads have smooth parts on the sides on which you can roll your bike along (or your little boys can slide down). Currently this spring season, there are little white poof balls floating everywhere: willow seeds. Sometimes it looks like it’s snowing, allergy sufferers beware!

I haven’t done half the things that I was hoping to do during this sabbatical year. Well, we have 8 weeks left… But, some good things, that are not tasks, have happened. I think I have more peace.

I’ve been enjoying meeting weekly with my research team of 5 Beida students. They’re the best ones I had from last year and they recently found out that they will all be going to the US this fall for graduate education. I was surprised to see just how much they idolize MIT. It’s THE school they want to go to and were disappointed when they got into places like Harvard, Stanford, etc. instead. I’ve been having talks about life with them. It’s weird that I can talk to them from the vantage point of being 20 years older than them. I try to convey that they are at the start of an exciting journey. Their lives have been on such a track until now but now there isn’t a track laid out for them and they will have access to so much more information and ideas. I try to convince them that their life won’t be determined by which of the good schools they go to for the next two years but rather how they use their time there, the relationships they make or don’t make, what they do next with that experience.

It’s funny how being a professor, especially in Asia, with young people who are trying to learn and think about the future puts you in a position where unsolicited advice is welcome. I’ve been thinking about how while I am me, society puts you in different positions and labels, which allows you different spaces in which to interact and do things. And as I move to different places, people see me differently and react differently. Already the differences in email culture between my departments at MIT and USC astound me. People encourage and celebrate each other and write about ideas. So, while I am the same me, we can do different things in different places. That really came home to me with my recent experience in Vietnam: the main reason my photo was on the front page of the largest newspaper was that photo showed a mix beguiling in Vietnam:  a foreign, female, Asian professor from MIT wearing the traditional Vietnamese dress while peacably talking to a street vendor. It makes me wonder how we might be more conscious and maybe even strategic with what you can do with society’s institutions and expectations. I don’t know if it’s true but I remember hearing once that one of my childhood heroes, Harriet Tubman, said that she thanked God that He made her ugly so that people didn’t notice her, which helped her to smuggle slaves to the North on her Underground Railroad.

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The First Lady

Michelle Obama came to visit Peking University and I got to attend her speech. It was neat to hear her talking about the very things we are doing. She had visited a Mandarin immersion program at a public school in the US before the trip to China to talk about the importance of learning other languages and cultures and then was promoting student and faculty exchanges between universities in China and the US.

Roland and I joke that the Obamas are always following us around. We seem to go on vacation in the same places they do around the same time that they do (albeit the lower rent version). I guess it’s because we have kids and want to expose them to things?

I think one thing that’s neat about Michelle Obama as first lady is that she is not like the generations of coiffed, talking-heads-in-a-St.John-suit first ladies I’ve grown up with that didn’t seem like real people. I really can’t imagine any of them being in a room with me and being made of flesh and blood.

At this event, they gave students the best seats. Mrs. Obama exuded more shininess than photos I’ve seen usually do. And it was great to see how glowing the students were, inspired by her presence and her optimism about them. Here are two of my students in the front taking a selfie with Michelle – she doesn’t look too excited…

(can’t think of a title)

In so many ways China has changed so much and is such a huge market economy that it’s easy to forget that they are still communist. But, then things happen to remind you…

The other week was a big meeting at the capital, China’s 12th National People’s Congress. When these meetings happen, it seems like there is a ripple effect down through society to us little people on the street. It’s as if everyone has to be on extra good behavior. One leader of a government sponsored academy told me that they cannot travel to foreign places or hold banquets, given the new leader’s anti-corruption campaign. There have also been shaming of officials in the newspaper. One news agency collected photos of an official and counted how many fancy watches he has, etc.

During that week I started noticing a lot of people wearing red arm badges and standing on street corners. Curious, I went up to a pair with my 20 word Mandarin vocabulary asking what it’s about. With the help of Joshua, my little interpreter, I learned these “citizen community safety volunteers” were watching the traffic to tell people to slow down and drive safely. But, mostly it seemed like older people were hanging out shooting the breeze.  Also many more websites were inaccessible, even with VPN, and the whole internet was painstakingly slow.

My affable host, Prof. Lu Bin, started telling me over lunch how during the Cultural Revolution he had been sent to Inner Mongolia when he was 17. The problem was that he had attended a good high school so he and his classmates were grouped into tens and sent to the poorest places. In his understated way he said, “Oh, it was very cold.” He and the other boys had to farm for 8 years in an infertile place. All the members of his family were separated and sent to places across China. 1977 was a big year when this horrible part of history ended with people being allowed to take university entrance exams. And thus began his academic career. He told me all this while smiling and chuckling here and there. At 63, he’s known for his incredible “superman” energy – I had a hard time keeping up with him we traveled together to Guangzhou. He’s also a favorite with students and successful because he is so kind and generous. Such stories kick my butt and stop my complaining attitude. Being on the tenure track at MIT for 10 years with crazy people? A privilege. Juggling kids and a job? Blessed.

Really it’s amazing how much has changed in one lifetime in China. When I look around at the many people around me, I think about that. All the loud clothes, purses, and hairdos of younger people. The elderly couples who help each other cart groceries home. The ritzy parents of my boys’ school blocking traffic with their fancy cars. The migrant workers.

I was really surprised one evening when Joshua said to me, “Mom, I like the decisions you make. Like the decision to come to Beijing.”
“Why”
“Because I get to learn the funny Beijing accent.”
That was such a rewarding moment as a mom!  A kid appreciates what you are trying to do for them.

12 more weeks…

We only have 12 weeks left in Beijing which energizes us to get out there and experience more. I’ve decided that at the least every Saturday we should have a family outing to a different part of Beijing and try a new restaurant.

One weekend, remembering the advice of my friend Lan-chih who used to live here, we hiked around Jingshan Park that has an amazing view of the Forbidden City from above on a hill.Before that we ate lunch at Yuebin, the very first private restaurant in Beijing once the communist party started letting go of the command, centrally planned economy. In 1980, a mother, Liu Guixan, was struggling to make ends meet: 7 people were sharing two blankets. She went on a limb,  scared by being called a capitalist by her neighbors, but through repeated asking officials who thought she was ridiculous, she got permission to  start a tiny restaurant in her home. She would have to walk 7 hours every morning to the countryside to find ingredients and then they would cook it for the dinner service. Her simple meals became a huge hit, reservations selling out months in advance.  The food is really good – it’s supposed to be Beijing style home cooking with dishes such as braised, stuffed tofu. It was still very simple and small, inside.Another weekend was smoggy so we went to the National Museum of Art that was mostly filled with amazing Chinese calligraphy art. Afterwards, we went to the upper floor of a gigantic mall where we lined up at 4pm to receive a number for a table at the very popular Grandma House restaurant which serves Zhejiang cuisine. It was delicious but left us with an inexplicable number of bowel movements the next day – something we’ll have to keep in mind if we ever want a detox.

Spring

After a week of intense smog, where even Beijingers were getting depressed, one day it started to drizzle and a breeze came. The AQI went down from the 500s to the 20s = “good”. And since then we’ve been having exceptionally good air quality days. The other day I stopped in my tracks when I heard a bird sing. And just today I saw these buds growing on the trees (note the blue sky behind!).  Spring is coming. I’m surprised to see how much my mood is affected by the weather – good thing I’m moving to LA!

One night Roland started making a list of the top 10 things he likes about living in China. They mostly have to do with the cheap and efficient public amenities like the delivery men and public transit. I’m afraid it was too easy for me to make a list of all the things I don’t like about living here and they mostly have to do with the toilets and other physical health/hygiene situations. Since then I’ve been musing over what would be my top positive things I like about living here. And I realized they have to do with the people:

• People always give up their seats for children and elderly on the buses and subways. People adore children.
• The lack of “you-‘talkin-to-me?!” attitude (I was reminded of this contrast when I had to make a phonecall to a Boston hotel yesterday!). Strangers don’t shout at each other if they bump into each other in the street.
• The gravity of Chinese a sort of down-to-earth perspective on life and yet they are also lighter than Koreans, who can be deathly serious.
• The general level of optimism/lack of cynicism. There was an international poll about this:  http://www.ipsos-na.com/news-polls/pressrelease.aspx%3Fid=6359

While there are many problems and protests in developing economies (which I study), I think because of where China is at in its recent economic development history, generally most people are still striving, trying to make a better life and looking for opportunities. This is different from some swathes of US popular culture where it’s cool to be blasé or nihilistic. And already in Korea after its economic miracle I see deep cynicism among younger people – on campus they are known to be slackers and not even attend classes. There can be downsides to striving – materialism is a dead-end unto itself. But, while I used to be so judgmental about materialism and greedy capitalism when I was younger, now I think cynicism is even slipperier. There’s nothing to wrestle with, just a floppy pool of mass.

So now I see the general inclination to strive to live as a beautiful thing. I never stop marveling at how all plant life naturally stretches up towards the sun. All across the surface of the globe, season after season. I can almost hear their life force yearning.

So, part of my spiritual discipline is to not wallow in existential questions for too long. I’ve been reading a funny modern translation of the Bible, called the Message “Get on with your life…you’ll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does…go to work in the morning and stick to it until evening … oh how sweet the light of day, and how wonderful to live in the sunshine! Even if you live a long time, don’t take a single day for granted. Take delight in each light-filled hour, remembering that there will also be many dark days and that most of what comes your way is smoke.” Eccles 11. I think I learned this most from watching how my migrant/immigrant friends and relatives live their lives.

p.s. Joshua’s classroom parents finally got it together and after a paper survey and permission slips, installed the highest quality air purifier machine on the market (Samuel’s classrooms apparently have them).

Doubts and Faith

The sun looks strange here on high pollution days: a little, blinding light tangerine circle in the dark sky. And here’s a photo that will make their grandparents and Carmen heartsick, but this is what life can be like here.

It’s been plain depressing how bad the smog has been. In the past, bad days would last 1-2 days and then a wind would come and blow it all away. But, this week it’s been bad all week.  We kept the boys home from school today. It’s strange how we have to choose a number as a cutoff point where we won’t let them out.  400 AQI is the number we chose (Boston is around 30). It’s sad but I’ve gotten really good at guessing the AQI from looking out the window and can detect a 15 point increase by smell: I’m a human smog barometer.

While most of the other classrooms in the first grade banded together and got their own air purifier for the room, our first grade class has been debating for months. …”it could be dangerous to have a machine in the classroom…is there real evidence it will help…”  sigh… I don’t know why our classroom has such a collective action problem. There are way too many texts on the parents’ list that I unjoined right away, especially since I can’t understand any of it.  But, now that it’s so bad they are trying to organize again…One parent wrote “this is hell.”

On bad days, I’m always looking around on the street at the people, most of whom don’t wear any masks. Of the few who do, most have useless masks. What truly astounds me are the people who smoke in the midst of the smog…I have to admit, sometimes this week I think that maybe I should take the boys back to the US……

On a more positive note…Since the boys decided to become Christian last week, I’ve had to come up with words to start explaining what it means in the simplest language. And when I do, I’m reminded how breathtaking the gospel is.  “The gospel means ‘good news’ – and the goods news is that God loves us SOOO incredibly much. There is nothing you can ever do to lose His love. No matter what we do and no matter how bad we are, He always love us. But, he can’t force His love on us so we also play a part by saying ‘yes’, that we repent and decide to accept His love through the gift of Jesus. And that’s what you did last week.  ‘Grace’ – He loves us not because we did anything great but He just gave it to us.”

I have them repeat the word “grace.”  I’ll have many other things to explain but really, that’s the core. And it amazes me how we adults lose site of this core. It means that we should be utterly humbled and can’t be self-righteous. We should walk around life feeling so free and joyful and loved.